Original email date was September 5, 2001- re-posted with original typos and grammar issues :)
Day 1
Lovely day travelling across the state. No traffic to speak of, companion is amiable, scenery is beautiful. Yosemite striking as always, rangers kind in their silly Smokey the Bear hats. Arrive at camp to meet fellow hikers- a recovering ankle injury, a rehabilitating lung infection, a shy engineer and a grizzled construction worker. Suddenly concerns about fitness level (or lack thereof) disappear. Happy to be on this journey. Join others for a sunset hike to abandoned silver mines. A little winded- but most likely due to altitude. Dinner of spaghetti, into tent for a restless night ( I swear I hear something outside the tent). Oh well, the first night in the woods is always a little nerve wrecking. How can boyfriend sleep through all suspicious sounds? Has he no concern for safety?
Day 2
Breakfast at cute diner with pancakes as big as my head. Group has decided on short warm up hike to get used to altitude. Will try to find restored pioneer cabins. Sounds charming! Oh no- am victim of cruel joke. It is not possible for anyone to walk that fast- let alone an entire group of people. Can't keep up. Altitude? Fat? Starting my period? Who cares- all I know is that these people are out of control and they must be stopped. At lunch break, opt to return back to cars on path already travelled instead of scrambling up the hill to find the mountain pass with rest of group. Also, rest of group must search for fearless leader who has wandered off for almost an hour. Boyfriend insists on accompanying me on return- wonderful boy- might keep him. Finish 10 mile warm up hike in the rain. Rest of group returns- fearless leader still missing. Search and rescue plans beginning to form as he returns to the cars. No way in hell could I search for anyone- feet are killing me, and did I mention cramps? Return to camp for tequila shots to appease rain gods. Once appeased, tequila shots to appease the fish gods. We go fishing. I opt to read quietly by the beautiful stream. Am interrupted by lung infection- Mary. Suspect Mary is genius who sounds like idiot. Why won't she stop talking? Oh- worse than imagined- Mary is fitness Nazi. She makes her son run a mile and a half to keep in shape. Did I mention he was 5 years old? Back to camp with 7 new fish for dinner. We wait and wait and wait. Dinner is served at midnight. It is all I can do to keep from falling asleep in my minute rice. Into tent. I now believe that a bear is trying to get into our tent. How can he sleep through this?
Day 3
Thank God. Group has decided to forego training hike today in favor of showers. Down to Lee Vining for showers at a trailer park- strange but true. Showers are operated by tokens. Everyone happy to be clean. We journey on to Lone Pine to prepare for the assault. Shopping along the way for extra supplies- disagreement about lettuce for salad/sandwiches is settled amicably. Off to campground in high desert. Primitive sites, unencumbered by shelter of any kind from howling wind. We set up tent among stinkbugs. View of mountain incredible however, and have almost full moon. Getting ready for bed- off to outhouses- good God- what is that smell? My eyes are watering, I can't breathe- but nonetheless, have female duties to perform. Must muddle through. Into tent, now suspect snakes, or perhaps kangaroo rats are trying to invade tent. How can he sleep?
Day 4
Awake at 5- must pee, have cramps, need advil. Don't want to get up- not light yet. Suffer until 6- light enough now- perform necessary duties. Am nervous about hike- want to get going and get it over with. Group is unable to coordinate anything. We get up at 6:30 to get an early start. Don't hit the trail until 10:00. Have now learned that boyfriend intends to hike ahead and leave me to the fates. Bastard. I didn't want to come- now he wants to hike with faster lung infection girl. Start trail in tears. Impossible to hike and cry- fall behind group immediately. Period likely to blame- but still pissed nonetheless. Am left at back of pack with relative strangers who feel sorry for me. I don't remember the trail being this hard. Could it be like childbirth? I have forgotten the pain. Have never felt this weak- every 10 steps fear that I will pass out. Can't go on- this is torture. Mike- chivalrous construction worker has taken me under his wing. Will get me up the mountain by hook or crook. Mike must die. Only thoughts are of car keys in Mark's pocket. Must get car keys, and hike down to stay at camp alone. Probably expressed too much of current hatred of boyfriend with relative strangers. But, he left me so it is his own fault. Am miserable. And happy to tell everyone I meet. All on trail know about bastard boyfriend- also know that I am miserable. Have never felt this bad. Get to lake- boyfriend is there- but too chicken to talk to me since he knows I was mad at him. Doesn't he figure out something is wrong- it took me an hour longer to hike 3 miles-duh? Ask for sunscreen and car keys. When leader asks if I am kidding, the tears start again. Boyfriend is comforting- maybe he is not so bad. Lung infection Mary tries to be perky and encouraging. If only I had the strength to slap her... We continue on- boyfriend sprinting ahead to camp, returns and carries my pack the last mile or so. Good Sherpa. We decide to stay at lower camp- just in time for afternoon rain storm. Convenient excuse to get into tent and sleep the afternoon away. I am in hell. Boyfriend is kind- we can do anything I want- don't have to hike any more- am too weak to even think about it. Dinner and early bed- what will I do tomorrow? It's 7 more miles to the top. Again with the bear concerns- again he sleeps through the night. Must I rescue us all from the animals?
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| Before the torture began |
Day 5
Again- the disorganization. This is killing me as much as the hike. We arise at 6 to be on the trail at 6:30. I leave ahead of the pack at 7:30 since I am the slowest. They catch me in the first mile or two. Have decided I am a sightseer- will not go to the very top. Goal is the saddle- 2 miles from the top. Still feel badly, but press on. Meet nice lesbian couple on the stone steps up to the upper camp. Feet are hurting, pack is uncomfortable, but on my own. Boyfriend waiting for me at upper camp before he heads up the hill. Nice boy. I eat a snack as others keep on. Next, I begin the 150 switchbacks. Why am I doing this? I have seen it before. I have pictures to prove it. I keep going. Life distills to the basics. Can't shake insipid Christmas movie song- Just put one foot in front of the other... Strangers encourage me along the way- easy for them, they are on their way down. Not possible to think of anything but the saddle. Hear on my radio that others are approaching saddle. Only goal becomes reaching saddle before Mark reaches summit. Up and up and up. Stopping every 10 yards sometimes. Why am I doing this? When I am 50 yards from the saddle Mark radios that he has reached the summit. Boyfriend is inhuman. How did he get more than 2 miles ahead of me? I am slowest person on earth- call Guiness. Finally reach saddle. Can now see western and eastern sierras at same time. Beautiful- cold- take some pictures and head back down. 10 yards into the descent- the hail begins. I radio the others to prepare- they will end up seeing snow as well. Down I go. Much easier now. Begin composing email about adventures in head. Try not to fall on slippery rocks. Actually start humming to self. Headache begins, but who cares- am on my way down. Faster and faster. Only goal now is to reach camp before Mark "laps" me. He has given his radio away, so have no idea how close he is. I speed up- actually passing people on the way down-it feels good. The thunder starts. I return to camp, and begin to pack up. Mark arrives 45 minutes after me- thank God- at least a shred of pride remains intact. He encourages me to start down (I think he is ashamed to walk with me-I am too slow). He puts my pack on me, and down I go. I am the only one on the trail for the next hour or more. Down down down. Did I really walk up this? Why? The rain continues through the whole journey. I am sure now that a bear is trailing me. I have forgotten to put my bear whistle in front. Only comfort in journey comes from red nipple attached to bag on back supplying life-giving water. Will now take nipple everywhere. Arrive at bottom. Last 10 yards to car unbearable. I have walked 14 miles today- alone. Mark arrives, others arrive after dark. One other did not make it to the top- too sick a mile from the top. We go to dinner. Return to desert camp- now have location near stream, and noisy trees. Dream about madman breaking into tent. Boyfriend sleeps soundly.
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| Desolate, no? I hiked it alone. Fourteen miles. |
Day 6
Arise early to see moon still over sierras as first pink light of dawn hits them. Is beautiful. Can't move ankles and calves feel like a giant bruise. Mark goes fishing. I break down our camp area to avoid lung infection girl. She seeks me out-talk with her for an hour or more-learn some info about Mark as teenager- nothing juicy. Finally Mark is out of worms, and we can head back home. Beautiful drive home. I think park rangers should always have to wear smokey the bear hats. They welcome us back to Yosemite, and I think they mean it. We stop at our favorite saloon in Groveland, and gingerly negotiate the 3 steps into the establishment. My quadriceps no longer function to move my knees. We return home to hot showers, and running water. I have no dirt under my fingernails for the first time in days. Tonight I expect to sleep without regard to bears, marmots or madmen. It is good to be home. And, in case this wasn't clear- I am never doing that again.
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